Embracing Polyamorous Relationships in the LGBTQIA+ Community
A Journey of Love and Acceptance
Polyamory, a lifestyle that involves engaging in multiple consensual romantic or sexual relationships simultaneously, is gaining greater acceptance and acknowledgement within the LGBTQIA+ community. As a therapist specialising in working with diverse identities, I have witnessed how polyamorous relationships can offer a deep and enriching way to explore love and establish connections. Many individuals in the LGBTQIA+ community view polyamory not only as a relationship choice but also as a representation of their overarching comprehension of identity, love, and belonging.
Polyamory challenges traditional notions of monogamy by allowing individuals to form multiple intimate relationships simultaneously, with the knowledge and consent of all involved. In the LGBTQIA+ community, where norms around gender, sexuality, and relationships are already more fluid, polyamory can feel like a natural extension of these values. It offers a way to explore relationships without being confined to the binary or heteronormative expectations often imposed by society.
For some, polyamory is about rejecting the idea that love must be exclusive or that one person can meet all of their emotional and physical needs. Instead, it acknowledges that different relationships can fulfil various aspects of a person’s life. This openness can be remarkably liberating for LGBTQIA+ individuals who have often faced societal pressure to conform to restrictive definitions of relationships and love.
Polyamorous relationships in the LGBTQIA+ community can also intersect with other aspects of identity, such as gender and sexual orientation. For example, non-binary or genderqueer individuals may find that polyamory allows them to express their gender identity more freely by engaging in relationships that do not require them to conform to traditional gender roles (Barker, 2012). Similarly, bisexual or pansexual individuals may find that polyamory enables them to explore attractions to multiple genders without feeling constrained by a single relationship.
In my practice, I’ve seen how polyamory can provide a sense of community and support, particularly for those who have experienced discrimination or exclusion based on their identity. Polyamorous relationships can create networks of care and mutual support that go beyond traditional couple-based relationships. These networks can be significant for LGBTQIA+ individuals who may not have access to family support or who may be navigating complex issues related to their identity (Klesse, 2018).
While polyamorous relationships can be gratifying, they also come with their own set of challenges. Communication is crucial in any relationship but essential in polyamory, where multiple relationships require clear boundaries and agreements. Misunderstandings or unmet expectations can lead to feelings of jealousy or insecurity, which can be amplified in a polyamorous context (Conley et al., 2017).
Individuals in polyamorous relationships need to have ongoing conversations about their needs, desires, and boundaries. In my client work, I emphasise creating a space where all parties feel heard and respected. This might involve setting aside regular times to check in with each other, discussing feelings of jealousy openly, and working together to find solutions that work for everyone involved (Moors et al., 2012).
Another challenge that polyamorous individuals in the LGBTQIA+ community may face is societal stigma. Despite growing acceptance, polyamory is still often misunderstood or judged by those outside the community. This stigma can be compounded for LGBTQIA+ individuals who may already face discrimination based on their sexual orientation or gender identity. Those in polyamorous relationships need to find supportive communities where they can share their experiences and receive validation.
As a therapist, creating a non-judgmental space where clients can explore their relationships without fear of stigma is crucial. This is especially important for polyamorous clients who may have encountered therapists or other professionals who do not understand or respect their relationship choices. In my practice, I strive to affirm all forms of consensual relationships and to support my clients in navigating the unique challenges and joys that come with polyamory, ensuring they feel reassured and understood.
For LGBTQIA+ individuals, affirming polyamorous relationships also means recognising and validating how these relationships intersect with other aspects of identity. Whether supporting a client in coming out as polyamorous to their family or helping them navigate the complexities of multiple relationships, my goal is to provide a space where clients feel empowered to live authentically and fully (Barker, 2012).
Polyamorous relationships in the LGBTQIA+ community reflect the diversity and richness of human connection. They challenge traditional notions of love and commitment, offering a more expansive view of what it means to be in a relationship. For many in the LGBTQIA+ community, polyamory is not just about having multiple partners—it’s about embracing the full spectrum of their identity and building relationships that honour their true selves, empowering them to live authentically and fully.
As we continue to move towards a more inclusive understanding of love and relationships, it’s important to celebrate how polyamory contributes to the diversity of the LGBTQIA+ community. By embracing polyamorous relationships, we can create a world where all forms of love are recognised, respected, and celebrated, ensuring that every individual feels included and valued.
Reference:
Barker, M.-J. (2012). Rewriting the Rules. Routledge. https://doi.org/10.4324/9780203097663
Conley, T. D., Moors, A. C., Matsick, J. L., & Ziegler, A. (2017). The fewer the merrier? Assessing stigma surrounding consensually non-monogamous romantic relationships. Analyses of Social Issues and Public Policy, 17(1), 35-57.
Klesse, C. (2018). Polyamorous Parenting: Stigma, Social Regulation, and Queer Bonds of Resistance. Sociological Research Online, 24(4), 625–643. https://doi.org/10.1177/1360780418806902
Moors, A. C., Conley, T. D., Edelstein, R. S., & Chopik, W. J. (2014). Attached to monogamy? Avoidance predicts willingness to engage (but not actual engagement) in consensual non-monogamy. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 32(2), 222–240. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407514529065
Sheff, E., & Tesene, M. (2020). Children in polyamorous families: Stigma, social regulation, and queer bonds of resistance. The International Encyclopedia of Human Sexuality.